u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
