Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
