and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
