I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's rum buckets o'clock
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
