Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
