A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
