i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
