he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
