In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
