why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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