this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
