A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
