i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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