Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize