sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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