if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
