All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
