I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
