Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
