what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
