you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
