He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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