Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
