My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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