yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
