How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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