I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
