boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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