i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
