READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
