even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
