Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
