fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
