she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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