Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
whose parrot is this?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
