last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
