Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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