The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
