tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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