Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
