I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
