Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
