How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
