Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
