whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
