you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
