I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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