i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
