i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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