Small penises have feelings too.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
