all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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