I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
