Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
