omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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