It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
