hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
