ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
