There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize