You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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