Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
