dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize