you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
