he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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