It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
sex in a hospital.. check
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
