grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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