We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize