Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
