Your dad touched me again.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize