Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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