Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
