Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
