Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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