explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
