sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
