U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Randomize
