I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
