Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
God I need to hump something, right now.
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