I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize