i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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