there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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