Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
