She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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