and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
