yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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