oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
