OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
