well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The best revenge is premature balding
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
