apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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