weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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