This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think your dad took our porno
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize