Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
