i just wanna soil my oats bro
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
