she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
