So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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