am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize