Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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