You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
