Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize