i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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