Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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