and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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