Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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