I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
