So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
