So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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