so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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